You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize