I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize