my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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