So drunk its hurt
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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