you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
