dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
