he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
