I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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