um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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