We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
