I just pynch a tree in the face
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
