I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
