he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
