We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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