I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize