A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
