ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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