so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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