Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
