I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
