it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
