Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
