yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
