Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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