Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Reggie can tackle my bush.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
