There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
