My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
