It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
