i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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