This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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