Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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