good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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