What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
