I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
