doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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