Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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