I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
