you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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