peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
