I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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