I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
