we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
