He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
