so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
