you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
