Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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