please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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