I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
