god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
