Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
