I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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