My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
