you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
