I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize