i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
