Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
