Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
