just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
