this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
