Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
