chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
