i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
high people should be assigned attendants
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
