I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
