I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
