This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
