Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
