somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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