so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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